Social Media: Stop Trying to Please People Who Don't Care About You

Pastor Kris and his friend Jamaica Cone from Revolution Church

By Kris Freeman
Pastor, Revolution Church
Sports Information Director, White House High School

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"You post a lot on social media."

Yes. That is correct. I am a promoter. I love to enhance the things I am a part of, share about my family, post about athletes, students, friends and their achievements. It's both my JOB and my personality.

I grew up never believing in myself and ashamed of the person I thought I was. I was bullied, had no self-confidence and believed I was never good enough. And plenty of people told me those things until I believed them.

In today's generation, there are plenty of old-school personalities who have turned into online bullies and may not even realize the control they attempt to exercise on others around them. In the words of the immortal Bob Newhart, let me share this groundbreaking advice to you when listening to the opinions of others who detract from your journey:

"Stop it."

I would love, one time, to return that retort with a comment, "you sure pay a lot of attention to it." But that would not be nice, of good character, nor reflect the values of what I and all of us hope to stand for. Instead, let's help each other fight back the bullies with a better approach.

There is a point to what I want to share with you today. Stop trying to please people who don't truly care about you. Use social media as a positive tool and don't let anyone with a negative voice stand in the way of what you want to convey or achieve.

Now, with that said, keep it positive, inspirational, fun, and informative. Cut out the social drama from your circles and you will be less likely to create it or be bothered by the same.

We spend a large majority of our lives worrying about the opinions of others who often do not represent critical steps in the journey of achieving our dreams and realizing the potential for what God has placed within your grasp to achieve.

Social media is a powerful, viral tool in the lives of millions of people in the world. A network of opportunities lie before us, and those networks often are based on what audience and desire with which we wish to connect. For example:

• Facebook is informational and connects to your family, former classmates and network of friends, businesses and products
• Instagram is visual and immediate and connects to a younger generation and rapidly expanding
• Twitter is linked and connects to a variety of breaking news, media, current events, live feeds
• Snapchat is filtered and fun, but quickly being replaced/matched by Instagram
• Pinterest is....ok, I'm not even answering that one cause I lose my man card. ;)

Our network of friends and followers has become increasingly important to our influence and self-worth. The unfortunate side of this phenomenon is the number of people who obsess over the number of likes, comments and feedback a post receives.

Even more, a few of you reading this might be addicted to social media and legitimately need to back off.

Yes, I post a lot. In fact, what you may not know is that I monitor social media accounts for my own personal life, plus at least four large organizations including my church, sports media, a high school and a non-profit.

Here are some critical tips to managing your social media which I believe will be beneficial on your journey:

1. Keep it fun - Social media is designed to be a network of connecting information. Keep it fun. Post pictures, share with friends and family, let your personality shine. Bring a positive light to your news feed that reflects the values of the things which are important to you. Like Jesus? Share scriptures. Love music? Share songs. Enamored with photography? Let's see the bright colors of your world. Do sports or cars make you tick? Then brand up your wall with what you like. Make social media an online representation of what we might see on your bedroom wall as a teenager and use the tool to let others get a glimpse into your life.
2. Check your privacy - On the flip side of fun is the sad reality of our culture. Social media can be full of predators, both seeking to harm us and our children, and threatening to steal your personal information for spam or fraud. In every social network, be sure you understand the privacy levels, change passwords frequently and monitor suspicious activity. When it comes to your children and especially teens, make sure they understand the dangers of checking into public places and more importantly posting pictures and tags which identify their personal residence and places they spend the majority of their time. Be careful about posting your location when you are away from a vacant home. Watch closely about checking in to parking garages or public events and retailers with huge parking lots where you leave late at night.
3. Be a fan, not a stalker or groupie - A great way to connect with celebrities, sports teams, athletes, musicians and artists is through social media. Trust me, they appreciate and desire your following as it builds their brand and media profile and that means money to their advertisers and agents and endorsement deals. Yet with that following comes a responsible way to interact. Don't send private messages to public figures through social media - most likely you will be blocked, ignored or never have access to them personally. Celebrities do not appreciate scary fans - they both avoid you and likely make fun of your fandom. Second, avoid obsessive posts. If an athlete retweets you on their birthday, be thankful. But remember there are 1.3 million of others just like you on their feed and it may not mean you are now in their circle. They don't owe you the responsibility of seeing every attempt for you to connect. Be responsible, have fun and help them build a productive brand.
4. Ignore the naysayers and negative people - This is the big one. There are tremendous tools for unfollowing people and posts without removing your connection as a friend. If a person is constantly negative about what you post, then kindly ask them to unfollow. If this becomes controlling and obsessive, then you may have to do the same. Any behavior that results in disruptive communication? Block it. I have plenty of friends who hate sports and many friends who don't attend church. I suspect that because of such, I have been hidden from a LOT of news feeds. And that's OK! It does not mean I will stop posting. The message that needs to be shared will be seen by the people who appreciate you and WANT to connect with your world. Stop trying to please people who don't share in your journey. If their opinions are constantly negative, then perhaps they weren't needed in your life to begin with. Just telling the truth here.
5. Save the drama for your mamma - About 95 percent of what I post on social media is positive, inspirational or informative. I share a lot of links to messages, notes, blogs, articles, photos and media which I am asked to promote organizationally. I love to share about my family. I am PROUD of my children and my wife. The other five percent, I can be a bit snarky and humorous. Perhaps it was mean spirited to say that I programmed the Google Home to not recognize my wife's voice but I had fun telling the world about it - until I fell asleep on the couch last night and she didn't wake me up. Maybe that was karma. Now and then, I will post a hard thought, a negative statement or a passive aggressive line and think better of it and delete it later. I used to post about diabetes a lot, until I realized that on the days I felt poorly, the negative responses from well-intentioned friends would emerge telling me to "take better care of myself" when I had done nothing to cause it. Social media can also be used as criminal evidence in certain cases when the posts incite crime, violence or used in disputes like divorce proceedings and child custody. The point it, social media is not the place for the following:
• Don't settle disputes on social media
• Don't argue with family on social media
• Don't insult others on social media
• Don't destroy a business and their reputation on social media (contact them privately!)
• Don't harass people through social media private messaging
• Don't become political and polarize hot topics on social media
• Don't be an intentionally angry social activist for ANY TOPIC on social media
• Don't cause drama and infuriate masses on social media
• Don't threaten violence and harm on social media
• Don't insult your employer, church or school on social media

I have been blessed with the positive influence of many people and hope I can do the same.

The intensity of what I post will not slow down; in fact the amount of information I share may increase as each of us learns better ways to digitally network with followers, fans and consumers.

I hope you'll give me a follow, but if not, just ignore it.

But if you have something negative to say, block me first and don't kill my vibe.

Or, let's use Matthew 18 and meet about it face-to-face before the whole world has to see how ugly humans can be to one another.

My number one core value in life is be kind to everyone you meet. Maybe we can all start with the thousands of connections we make every day through an internet site.

Now smile. There's enough grumpy people who follow me already.

I love you and these are my thoughts.

Pastor K/Coach K

P.S. I forgot to add this one part. Jealousy makes you a really ugly personality. Don't be jealous of the success and happenings of others. Be happy for those you love.

Goodness looks wonderful on you.

What's Here When You're Gone (10.28.18 Notes)

What’s Here When You’re Gone

Life and Legacy Week 4

Pastor Kris Freeman

Revolution Church

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Scripture: Matthew 25:14-30 (NLT)

Again, the kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone.

What happened?

• One invested and doubled his five
• One worked and doubled his two
• One hid the bag in a hole (his one)
• Man returned and asked his servants what they did (Stewardship)

The first two receive the same blessing and commendation:

Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together (v. 21 and 23).

The final servant was lazy, and was reprimanded and he lost his blessing.

The dictionary defines a legacy as “Something transmitted or received from an ancestor or predecessor, or delivered from the past into the future.”

1. Legacy is a chain - it has continuing links that connect to the next.

2. Legacy is a bridge - it crosses from one place to the next

For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. - 2 Timothy 4:6-7.

Paul was writing to Timothy, the young man who would follow him and continue his pastoral, missional and Gospel-centered legacy.

Legacy that ends was never a legacy at all.

What a legacy is not:

• Legacy is not a monument
• Legacy is not a memorial
• Legacy is not a closet
• Legacy is not a building
• Legacy is not a forgotten path
• Legacy is not a person

True legacy takes us from one place to the next.

“Looking to the future for vision, the past for wisdom and the present for people to stand in the middle…looking both directions, who understand why each way is important.”

A key to a Biblical legacy: set the right example.

Example helps us to: talk right, act right, love right, feel right, believe right, hold on to the right things. Paul says give attention to it.

You can’t move forward without looking back, but if you’re always looking back, you will never move forward.

If anyone teaches otherwise and does not consent to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord, Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which accords with godliness…he is proud, knowing nothing…from such, withdraw yourself. - 1 Timothy 6:3-5 (NLT)

Listen to the things - and the people - that point everything to Jesus.

For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we carry nothing out. - 1 Timothy 6:7

The legacy of our family, our church and our conduct should always point to Jesus.

Does your legacy:

1. Construct Monuments?
2. Cut Ties?
3. Connect bridges

#LifeandLegacy #Bridges

Back to the Drawing Board (10.21.18 Notes)

Back to the Drawing Board

Life and Legacy Week 3

Pastor Kris Freeman

Revolution Church

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Scripture: Luke 10:38-42 (NLT) and John 12:1-8 (NLT)

Before we look into this week’s topic, let’s look back at this scripture from last week. What happens when you are trying to do everything right and then everything goes wrong? You feel like you are captive!

“The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender” (Proverbs 22:7)

Just because you run into a struggle does not mean the story is over.

But when you do struggle, there are three major things which can happen. Will you have a spirit of:

- Pride

- Poverty

- Gratitude

1. The Spirit of Pride

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

The spirit of pride comes from performance based wealth. We have a lot because we work hard for it.

Scriptures we use to back this up - 2 Thessalonians 3:10, Proverbs 10:4, Matt. 25:39

Hard work is a good thing but it’s not always the guaranteed thing.

Three counters to the spirit of pride: embrace suffering; learn from failure; culture of grace.

2. The Spirit of Poverty

12 Six days before the Passover celebration began, Jesus arrived in Bethany, the home of Lazarus—the man he had raised from the dead. 2 A dinner was prepared in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, and Lazarus was among those who ate with him. 3 Then Mary took a twelve-ounce jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard, and she anointed Jesus’ feet with it, wiping his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance.

4 But Judas Iscariot, the disciple who would soon betray him, said, 5 “That perfume was worth a year’s wages. It should have been sold and the money given to the poor.” 6 Not that he cared for the poor—he was a thief, and since he was in charge of the disciples’ money, he often stole some for himself. 7 Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial. 8 You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.” (John 12:1-8)

The spirit of poverty says that wealth is evil and the only way to be Godly is to be poor.

“When you build wealth, you open yourself up to criticism from people who think wealth is evil. First of all, wealth provided by God can never be evil because He would never promote evil in the lives of His children.” - Dave Ramsey

The Bible actually says the love of money is the root of all evil. Not money itself! (1 Timothy 6:10 NLT)

The spirit of poverty is not only a twist of scripture, it has two siblings: envy & jealousy.

There’s a huge difference between cheap and effective. (Carey Niewhuof)

A spirit of poverty makes us feel guilty about doing things the right way.

3. The Spirit of Gratitude 

The Spirit of Gratitude causes us to live thankful and with a life of worship.

“Obedience, generosity and excellence are natural outcomes of the spirit of gratitude. They are offerings of worship we make to God because we are thankful. It’s not how much we have that matters, but whose it is that matters.” - Dave Ramsey

Finishing it up - you get to choose which of the spirits you take toward your journey.

Whichever spirit you embrace will be the spirit you feed.

Time to Go Home (10.14.18 Notes)

Time to Go Home

Life and Legacy Week 2

Pastor Kris Freeman

Revolution Church

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Scripture: 1 Timothy 5:8 (NLT)

8 But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.

This scripture verse has been used in a number of different ways.

1. To set the foundation for leadership

2. To require of church elders and pastors

3. To establish a foundation for setting a budget

The bottom line - our first responsibility is to make sure we take care of our home and those who are a part of it.

What are some ways we can take care of our home?

1. Be disciplined in our examples
2. Be authentic in our relationships
3. Be stewards in our finances

Stewardship is a word that is very rarely used outside of Biblical cultures.

What does it mean to be a good steward?

• Our perception - take care of money - that’s what most people think first!
• Dictionary - the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care.
• Root - in the Middle Ages, it referred to a positional leader or servant assigned to the management of a large household and group of people. In today’s modern sense, we might call this a broker or an agent.

In a sense, parenting is a role of good stewardship. Marriage requires good stewardship. Business calls for good stewardship.

Did you ever have a curfew?

Even until the time I was an adult living in my parents’ home, I was given freedom to make my own decisions, pay my own bills, but I had a responsibility to be home on time. This was a curfew.

What did this do for my life?

1. It provided parameters for my freedom.
2. It provided trust in my decision-making abilities.
3. It provided discipline to frame my choices.
4. It provided opportunities for me to learn how to manage myself.

Could a parent truly stop a child who wishes to break curfew? No! But they could suffer the consequences for their actions.

When it comes to the leadership of our home, stewardship is our curfew. It’s our “time to come home” - it’s the return back to the things that matter.

Remember, if our pasts matters to us, so should our future.

Small steps to develop a life and legacy principle of stewardship in your home:

1. Find direction and cast a vision for your family. (True North)

2. Shift our paradigm about debt and responsibility.

“The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender” (Proverbs 22:7)

3. Be intense about your journey.

The Hedgehog Principle

Gazelle Intensity (Dave Ramsey)

- Quit borrowing money

- Save

- Pick up a second job

- Get rid of things you don’t need (sell)

4. Get the spiritual things in order.

- Read the Bible every day in your home (we are doing this as a church!)

- Pray (individually and together)

- Commit to a local church

- Tithe

- Find the mission for your life and your family (Serve)

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12)

I Feel Compelled to Speak Up (World Suicide Prevention Day)

By Kris Freeman, Pastor
Revolution Church, White House, TN

The phone no longer rings in the middle of the night.

Now, it's a text message or social media warning and while the method has changed, the epidemic is just as serious and dangerous.

"I do not want to live anymore."

Monday, Sept. 10, 2018, is World Suicide Prevention Day, as sponsored by the World Health Organization.

I have a confession which may be hard for some of you to read. Not only have I struggled in my 28 years of battling type one diabetes to overcome the mental thoughts of hopelessness and depression, I average about one of the above messages received PER WEEK from a peer, friend, family member, former student, church member, student, parent, business owner and even pastors.

On or about August 23rd, a young pastor in California left behind a wife and three boys after attempting to take his own life on a Friday evening and dying of the self-inflicted injuries the following morning in the hospital. It was only approximately two weeks since Andrew Stoecklein preached on the very topic of suicide and mental illness in a passionate and compellingly raw and honest approach to a sensitive and difficult subject.

I have not slept a peaceful night since this news broke because I can put faces with the names of the very people I know battling this silent and treacherous epidemic in their own lives; whether it be family members grieving or the most important, a person suffering with no help and no hope and wondering if this is the option for them.

Let me speak candidly and frankly, suicide is not the answer. By saying that - in that manner - to someone who is facing it as a possibility - can come across as a lecture statement. Instead of assisting and helping the person battling the thoughts, it feels like an attack on their own selfishness as short-sighted, mean and comes across as a horrible approach to help.

Instead of receiving your assistance, a person with suicidal ideation may feel threatened and withdraw because of the stigma that is attached to suicide being a selfish act, or in Christian circles, labeled as a sin rather than a mental illness or its effect.

I guarantee if you have considered suicidal thoughts, as you are reading this that you have heard those very words from those closest to you who are desperately and often mistakenly trying to speak the correct words to save your life, and running the great risk of playing right into the hands of this demonic emotional war.

And yes, I called suicide a demonic emotional war. I don't believe you are a project, a failure and I do not believe it's as simple as praying your way out of the dark tunnel you are walking through. The reason I call it a demonic emotional war is that Satan, the enemy of God and father of lies and deception, is perfectly content watching good men and women destroy their lives and end it all and steal potential, purpose and people from this world with reckless abandon and mock God's people who feel helpless to stop it.

Here's the thing. I am speaking up because we are not helpless to stop it.

I want to offer some carefully written words which can help in this crisis. I am not an expert. I am a personal survivor and fighter. I believe you are worth it to live and I need you - and the people around you - to have the courage to listen to what I have to say.

See look, I've preached on this and it didn't go viral. I have written about this and no one published it. I have spoken one-on-one and no one asked the media to interview me. I am not looking for a platform, a book deal or sermon video hits.

I just want to help save your life and the life of your family members and friends who are facing this giant with no plan to overcome it.

Please listen, read to the end, and please see the resources to help.

First, let's attack the stigmas and why this is so hard in the first place.

1. The struggle of mental illness is a stigma with so many fears.

There is a business owner reading this message who has considered taking his or her own life. Perhaps a military veteran is reading this message with a daily battle against post traumatic stress disorder. A mom is watching her children play and wondering how she is going to survive the pressure to make it to Thursday. A spouse is grieving the loss of her soulmate and with the rapid succession of grief wonders if giving up is the answer.

Yet all of them with thousands of resources surrounding them online, in the church, human resources and among friends and family, do not speak up because they fear the repercussions of the stigma.

The business owner knows they cannot close down operations to seek medical or psychological treatment, so they strap on and clock in and press ahead through the fears. The military vet is terrified of being labeled as another statistic and sees the gruesome portrayal of this illness by Hollywood and suffers alone rather than trust anyone into their world. The mom can't bear being away from her children and the spouse can't find answers to grief, yet NONE of them are willing to go the extra mile when help is needed because sometimes the fear of being labeled "crazy" or "unstable" leads to avoidance and denial.

Deep in the mind of that small church pastor battling suicidal tendencies is exactly what Andrew - the  California pastor - was already facing. Without a proper approach to help, a diagnosis of mental instability could be career-threatening. Each individual starts to evaluate the effects of such a diagnosis on background checks for jobs and even something as simple as seeking out a permit for protective weapons.

Not every suicidal fear is a white coat straight jacket walking down the walls of an institutional facility. Most of them, rather, are the people you pass on the street and some numbers put the percentages into 10-20 percent of the general population faces such a mental dilemma.

How do we apply this - end the stigma. Get rid of words like "nutcase" and "psycho" and attributing every scared individual in the same category as those who commit violent crime or lost their mental capacity to interact with the world. Instead, let's continue to revamp medical insurance and benefits to support workplace cooperation to assist with private, serious and impactful mental health evaluations, and then revisit how we label this sickness and disease in society.

Give time off. Build mental health awareness into benefit packages. Increase confidentiality. Stop the stigma. End the gossip.

As a cancer patient fights through treatment and returns to life when the disease is gone, so should we have a standard for seeing success in mental health evaluations and treatment and giving people hope to live a story with thankfulness instead of ending it in shame.

2. The words you say matter.

Every Christian facing suicide fears and mental illness has been told to pray their way through it and this is such an empty answer to a massive problem.

Medical diagnosis from a professional is so critical, and being under the care of a physician, therapist and counselor is the most important step. Then, consider how the people around you - and those facing the epidemic - speak about this battle. Don't be afraid of medication, but I will leave that direction to a medical professional.

Eliminate targeted phrasing which can push the stigma:

1. You're being selfish 
2. Just pray your way through it
3. Have more faith
4. Oh, just get over it
5. You're not tough enough
6. It's all in your mind
7. But you look fine
8. Stop being so lazy
9. You're messed up in the head
10. I don't care, just do whatever you want

Those statements are not only foolish, but to a person battling suicidal thoughts and fears of overcoming mental illness, they seem like daggers. What you perceive to be tough love becomes an open invitation for the person in the battle to further declare that they are not worth your time, love and energy to overcome it.

Behind so many suicide attempts and unfortunate conclusions is a person just deeply crying out to be heard and understood, without judgment and accusation, and to have friends and family walk the road with them and seek help. But in the end, a statement like the above becomes a trigger point and launch pad for the moment when a person gives up.

Please change our talk. How can we help? I love you. I'm right here with you. Let's go somewhere and hang out. I don't understand how you feel but I want to listen to you. You're not alone. This may not get better today but I am going to stick with you until it does. I will help you. I am your friend. I will keep this private (and of course there is an exception to that rule if there is imminent danger or in a life or death circumstance). I am committed to you.

So much of a change in our tone and our talk is the key to engaging the conversation.

I have talked someone down from a suicide on numerous occasions and even once been in serious harms way. I have been in the path of a loaded gun and I have taken weapons out of the hands of people who wanted to harm themselves. This is not easy. It nearly cost me my life and it might have placed yours in jeopardy too, but it's worth the investment to try because every person needing to hear those words is worth it too.

3. The story is better when you tell it.

Pastor Andrew's story is now being used as a foundational watershed moment for the church and mental illness and suicide. God has taken a tragedy and used it as a foundation for how to address such a hard topic. His wife's letter to him following his death is one of the hardest things I have ever read, and it went viral.

But what if - what if he survived. Would people listen to his story? How many deaths and destructive moments does it take before we as a society start to listen to those voices of despair facing hopelessness? What if - he could be here today to tell this story.

So my challenge to you, whether you are the individual facing such a fear or the family member or friend trying to overcome it in someone you love, is YOUR STORY IS WORTH BEING TOLD BY YOU. And the only way our stories build each other and become testimonies of success and survival is if we attack the epidemic head on and say enough is enough.

Not another one.

I want to hear your story. I want the world to hear your story.

I don't know how many people will read this one, but if this saves a life then I have invested my time wisely to share it.

To all the experts in the field, please help. Help us. Help them. Help me. Help you. Help each other.

And if I have spoken this directive without the proper words, forgive me. I am just a man who wanted to help and I felt today was the day to speak up.

I refuse to let suicide, mental illness, depression, PTSD, anxiety, and the countless other names of traumatic moments and battles define who I am and what the legacies of my friends, families and strangers will be.

Remember, I love you and these are my thoughts.

I may not even know you, but I'll never meet you if either of us aren't here.

Live.Love.Serve.

Pastor K

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OFFICIAL WAYS TO HELP

Take 5 to Save Lives

This campaign encourages everyone to take 5 minutes out of their day and complete five action items:

1. Learn the warning signs 2. Do your part

3. Practise self-care

4. Reach out

5. Spread the word

www.take5tosavelives.org

RUOK?

This conversation movement endeavours to inspire others to help break the silence and ask ‘are you ok?’ to support someone struggling with some simple steps that could change a life.

https://www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask

Mental Health First Aid

This evidence-based, internationally-recognised course teaches participants the framework of communication, how to offer and provide initial help, and how to guide a person towards appropriate treatment and other supportive help. www.mhfa.com.au/research/mhfa-course-evaluations

There are numerous other examples too; relevant resources can be found on the websites of the International Association for Suicide Prevention (https://www.iasp.info/resources/Helping_Someone/) and the World Health Organization (http://www.who.int/mental_health/suicide-prevention/en/)

Peace of My Mind (06.17.18 Notes)

A Peace of My Mind

#FamilyCircus Week 3

Pastor Kris Freeman

Revolution Church

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Scripture: Matthew 5:9 and Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God. - Matthew 5:9

We are called to be PEACEMAKERS not peacekeepers - there is a difference.

It’s a lot like the difference between LEADERSHIP and MANAGEMENT.

1. Leaders are influential and servant-minded
2. Managers are controlling and rigid

What kind of parent do you want to be? A leader or a manager?

• Peacekeepers often AVOID conflict to keep the peace
• Peacemakers EMBRACE conflict to make peace

Being a peacemaker doesn’t just mean the absence of trouble - it means SEEKING the highest good!

• You have a right to be angry
• You have a right to be offended
• You have a right to be hurt
• But when you exercise your right - your are putting self first

Peace is to be SELFLESS for the building of what is ACTUALLY right, not just A RIGHT.

1. Peacekeepers often AVOID conflict to keep the peace
2. Peacekeepers EMBRACE conflict to make peace.

Remember, we have a goal to make our #FamilyCircus a Christ-centered home.

A Christ-centered home isn’t a CONFLICT-FREE family. It’s a CONFLICT-SOLVING zone!

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. … 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Rom 12:17-18, 21

What do peacemakers do?

1. Tell the TRUTH in love.

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ… Ephesians 4:15 NLT

Confront the issues, and not the person. Love the person, deal with the STUFF.

• When you don’t listen to me, I don’t feel like you value me.
• When you raise your voice, I don’t feel safe.
• You may not even notice, with our friends, jabs.
• When you continue to check your phone at the table—devalued.
• When you lie insignificant, it’s hard to really trust you.

2. Apologize when you are WRONG

16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16

Admit to specific attitudes and actions with no EXCUSES.

The difference between remorse and repentance

• I’m sorry is for mistakes.
• Will you forgive me is for sin.

3. Forgive and LET GO

How do I forgive? Most people say I can’t!!!!

• Significant betrayal
• Spouse adultery
• Abuse
• Tragedy
• General irritation and annoyance!!!! (right? come on somebody amen that!)

You forgive by doing what they don’t deserve, by giving something that you didn’t pay for.

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col 3:13

Family is worth it, as far as it depends on you, it BETTER be.

Children of God are made in his IMAGE. You never look more like God than when you forgive, and when you make peace.